Samantha (slyasacurrier) wrote,

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The Pic Won't Stay Tied...

First of all, Ian texted me this weekend and said "I just thought you wanted the pic, that's all." And that was it. I still love him, and there was a time when he would tell me he still loved me too, and this message from Ian was just so unlike him, really. He is so sweet, and I think because he is into a new girl, just like with Hannah, he's trying to push me away again... which really makes him kind of a jerk. All in all, it broke my heart, I didn't cry or anything, but I can't seem to get the string on the pick to stay tied... But I just wonder would he go through all the trouble of drilling the hole through the pic and then hand delivering it to my mail box if there wasn't some sort of… something there. Who knows, I obviously don't.
Then, there is the fact that it had been a week and that Michael guy didn't call, and he was a nice guy so that means I'm officially out of nice guys, and after praying for it for so long... I wish I had them back. Mean guys have never liked me, even though I adored them, and now nice guys don't see it either. So I have been trying to make amends with some of my old companions which were too nice before and are exactly what I need now. I'm trying to befriend Billy (Lord give me strength) and Mark, which my parents are extremely excited about.
I am so uber frustrated with life.
I don't know, I guess really I'm sorta upset about this Ian thing. I don't know if anyone out there knows what its like to love someone and then have them stop loving you... but it sucks. I guess I did this to Ian first, but I think I've been punished enough. I wish that I would stop trying to find something better and just be comfortable with whom I'm with. If I would do that then I would still be with Ian, and this entry never would have existed. Don't you wish?
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